10 quick communication tips
When you think about it, there isn’t a relationship if there’s no communication. At the very least, there’s not a healthy relationship if there is little or no communication. Our lives revolve around the people we love - we are relational beings. As such, if we don’t learn to communicate well, it’s likely we will be lonely and unhappy in our relationships
Communication is necessary for connection with others. Here are some super simple, basic communication tips that you can put to use right away:
Summarize - this helps cut down on misunderstandings in conversations and conflicts. Repeat back what your loved one says: “So what I hear you saying is…” And if that’s not what they were trying to say, they try again. Then you repeat it back to them again until you are understanding. Then they know you understand, and you know you’re understanding them correctly.
No distractions - put your phone on silent and leave it in another room. Take off your Apple watch. Turn off the TV. Leave the kids with a baby sitter. Whatever you have to do to be able to have a conversation without distractions and interruptions will be worth it. Set yourself up for success by eliminating obstacles that stand in your way. Direct and clear conversations are that important.
Use I statements - instead of giving into the temptation to accuse your friend/partner, use I statements to let them know how you feel. They will, in turn, not be tempted to be defensive. This keeps conflicts at bay, or keeps a conflict from escalating. “I feel frustrated when you come home late without texting me to let me know,” sounds a whole lot better than “You’re ALWAYS late. You obviously don’t care about my feelings.” See the difference?
Timing is everything - set yourself up for success by ensuring that the conversation is happening at the right time - make sure hunger and fatigue aren’t standing in the way of getting to a successful resolution.
Body language - something as simple as uncrossing your arms, legs, or ankles could make you seem more attentive, open, and understanding. Maintaining eye contact can let your partner know that you are listening to them. They’ll feel less alone and more connected to you. Leaning forward or toward them also conveys interest and care.
Physical touch - a hand on the knee or shoulder can be reassuring or comforting during a difficult or intense conversation. Physical touch is incredibly powerful. It can keep you and your partner calm and make you feel more connected.
Take a time out - nothing wrong with taking a break. If you are getting emotionally flooded (feeling lots of intense emotions all at once that make you unable to process right then and cause you to shut down), take a break. Don’t go too long without going back and addressing it, of course, but even if you need to go to bed and deal with it the next day, that’s okay. Give yourself time to cool down and process, then go back.
Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand - many times, especially when we’re experiencing heightened emotions, we are listening only to shoot out our next response. Slow down and really listen to the other person. When they are done expressing their thought, take a breath before responding. Summarize, as listed above.
Utilize empathy - compassion goes such a long way. Make sure you use language like, “I understand where you’re coming from,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way,” etc. Put yourself in their shoes. A relationship needs a foundation of compassion, kindness, empathy, and trust.
Being intentional about how you communicate will completely change your relationship for the better, as long as the other person is intentional about it as well!
BONUS: Ask questions - ask questions to clarify and to show interest. Be invested in the conversation. Draw information out of your partner. It shows that you care and it helps you gain further understanding.